Friday, February 13, 2004

The Death of Objectivity in Relationships: By AH

The title of this piece is a misnomer, of course. For something to die, it must have existed in the first place.
There was a great moment in Annie Hall when Annie walked in, and clearly says something. Woodman asks her about it, and she says she didn't say that. He turns to the camera and asks us to validate that he is not going crazy. Wouldn't it be great if it was like that in real life?

Because it is hard to see things as they really are. Sometimes it feels like you do nothing but work, and then all of a sudden your woman will wheel on you and call you lazy. Sometimes you lay out your carefully considered ideas, and she says "you couldn't be more off-track." Sometimes it feels like you do everything for her, and she asks "but what about me? Have you considered me?" And-after you get over the rage-you ask yourself "Am I the asshole?"
It is our nature to want to pinpoint root causes and effects. We are rational creatures by design (OK, that can and has been debated). We seek reasons and are probably unique in the animal kingdom in that we need meaning. Need it. Kill ourselves without it.

But in the quagmire that is relationship logic, accounting for who is really right and who is really wrong is, well, damn near IMPOSSIBLE. We have to live with the fact that sometimes things are true because your partner thinks they are.
Plus, bean-counting relationship's right and wrong denies the true nature of women. Call me old fashion, call me patriarchal, whatever. Women are magic.

Of course you guys get what I'm getting at. This is a meditation on God. Objectivity has been described as a God's eye view. But is the nature of God really objective, a sort of mountain top view, or is it the heart of subjectivity? Does God give you such trials because he loves you?

I think Chris Rock put it best - "When you are married, you want to kill your partner. When you are single, you want to kill yourself." Live with it, I guess - the alternative is worse.

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