Sunday, February 15, 2004

How to Meet Women: Advice from a Gay Man By Joel C.

My (straight) brothers in arms ... please let me offer you one key secret about meeting women. You fear approaching beautiful women because you fear losing something you do not have. You must understand and accept that -- before you even lay eyes on a beautiful woman -- you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Once you do, you will find it so very much easier to meet women.

"Ah-hah!" you say, "But what about the pain of rejection?" Pish-posh! Rejection still costs you nothing. A bruised ego, perhaps even some personal dignity, depending on your level of drunkenness. Such wounds are slight and the concern of only lesser mortals. You, my friends, are confident! You are brave! No fear!

You must simply unlearn that which plagued you in middle school. While you were being acutely embarrassed on the playground for your awakening sexuality ("Stop poking me with that stick in your pants!"), we gay boys were simply relating to girls as equals -- sharing stories, plotting fan clubs, and making scrapbooks. Our shame and embarrassment were relegated to the locker room before gym class, but that's for another post. The point is that your early relationships with girls rested on expectations that you had no right to form in the first place.

You expected girls to want you right off the bat, simply because you approached them. And if they didn't want you immediately, you felt that you had lost something. But in reality, you lost nothing. In fact, the only time you do lose something is when you fail to pursue an opportunity that attracts you.

You expected the pretty girls to already have boyfriends. However, keep in mind that -- unlike high school -- women in real life are not constantly surrounded by dozens, hundreds, or thousands of men constantly clamoring for attention. In high school, all the pretty girls were taken because ... well, they had platoons of boys to choose from and could pick the pretty boys who were well-mannered.

My point is this -- fear breeds inhibition in relationships, even the simplest conversation among people meeting for the first time. Overcome your fear and you will free your inhibitions. You might try thinking like we do -- when we approach gorgeous women, we don't expect sex, a kiss, or even conversation. We simply see a vibrant person who might be fun to talk to. Try anticipating nothing, expecting nothing, and then being surprised if something does happen. Trust me -- it will work. It's worked for all of my straight friends so far, in fact.

So ... if this little diatribe helps you in any way, just thank a gay guy the next time you see one of us.

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